Why I'm still hiding from life

My story is just beginning.  Like one of the nurses at the behavioral health facility told me, "can't wait till your book is turned into a movie on life time",  I'm taking his advice and writing about my incredible year.  I am so happy to see that God has so much faith in my abilities to handle different situations.  Although I feel blessed to have made it this far, I'm afraid I haven't lived up to his expectations.  I have failed on so many levels.  I have not presented the Christian attitude as I should have. I'm also ashamed to say that on more than one occasion, I did lose all faith and hope.  Well, not all faith, but I did have a very stern discussion with god more than once.  I am grateful that I serve a loving and understanding god.  I am also thankful that Jesus knew how I would react and chose to be a living sacrifice for me anyway.
  I have questioned more times than I can count, why God chose to save my life that incredible day in January.  In fact I'm still struggling to understand his reasons.  I may never know the why or how, at least not while I'm still here on this planet.  I do know there must be a reason, but as the days continue come along, and one more tiny little disruption decides to rear it's ugly head in my life, I feel I am turning into a bitter person.  I have felt true hatred for the first time in my life this year.  Something that I could never believe I would feel.  I've had run ins with people I didn't particularly care for or respect.  But I have never hated anyone.  I am still struggling with that little situation daily.  And yet, as I am presented with one more complication this person has caused in my life and in the lives of the people I love, I only can find more reasons to "hate" this person.  I have struggled to find one reason, any reason, to have any sympathetic feelings towards this person.  Trust me, I have tried, and tried.  So again, I ask God, "why?"  As each trial and tribulation approaches, I've only made the Christian way of thinking look like a joke.  I can't bring myself to pray for my enemy, at least not to have blessing bestowed upon them.  Why?  I am only presented with was seems like a new test daily, and I continue to fail at each and everyone of them.  So again I ask. "WHY?"